I have read countless articles, received all kinds of advice, searched the net and I decided to compile it all into 3 steps for you:
1. Cry a River
2. Build a bridge
3. Get over it
And there you have it. Monica’s advice for getting over a break-up. It don’t get no easier than that! And keep the party going!
Later
Sorry Ladies (and the few fellas) but I have been busy. And February has rolled in and its about that time.
I want to know what is it that “you dont want” for Valentine’s Day this year. It seems every year, you get the same stuff. Flowers, candy and bears! What do you not want this year and you feel if you get it, you might scream?
Holla at me
Have you ever took your kids to that cute little, expensive butt store in your local mall called Build a Bear. There they can build a teddy bear similar to their own personalities. I mean from start to finish, they even put a little heart in them!
What if we had a store called Build a Man?!! Wouldn’t that be lovely? How would you build your man? What things would you incorporate into this man to make him your perfect man?
Ladies, do you find yourself going through your boyfriends phone when he is in the shower? Or if your at the gas station and he gets out of the car and you go through his dashboard and papers lying around in the car? Is it in our nature to be this way or do you think its some underlying trust issue that we may have with this negro that causes us to do that?
For me, its both. I do have reason to be suspicious and its in my nature I think. I mean what women doesn’t snoop in his things when he is out of the room? And trust me, they do it too!! And if you are one who doesn’t please respond and tell us why you don’t.
Is this the key to success in our relationships?
I mean think about it. I will use my past relationship for example. Don’t argue with him, don’t go out with your friends..just me, don’t turn me down when I want to have sex, don’t question where I have been or where I am going, don’t b!tch at me when I am wrong….As long as you don’t do some things in a relationship, it seems to go fine.
On the flipside, women, we have our don’ts too. Don’t cheat on me, don’t look at other women, don’t ask me for sex every night, don’t act like you can’t keep the kids, don’t stay out late with your friends….see where Im going?
So is knowing what “not” to do the key to happiness in our relationships?
Holla back
Ladies, please dont create false expectations in the bedroom. How many of you have met a guy who just claimed he was going to blow your back out??? You were all excited doing crunches and push ups trying to get ready. He done told you that you were going to be screaming out your own name, sweating..pictures falling off the wall and sh!t???? And when the time comes, you can’t even feel it and its over in 2 minutes???
He overpromised and underdelivered. Sad but true. So ladies, we must not do this. I don’t care if you are the next Vanessa Del Rio, don’t create expectations that you cannot deliver. And its good to be confident ladies, but remember one thing…the less you promise, the less he will expect. And the more pleasant of a surprise for him when the lights do go out and he will be returning for an encore performance.
So remember, underpromise…overdeliver.
What you think?
Sistas, how many of you know that female who time a guy calls or comes over….the only thing that gets turned down is the lights??? We all do and its sad to say. Now if you are in a serious relationship with your man, do you sweetie. Whatever works but to you that just met this guy and known him all of but 24 hours…its not cute.
What I want to know is, is it really that hard to turn down a booty call every now and again. I was always taught that men like a challenge meaning that if he calls you and your busy or you have something to do and cant see him, this creates a challenge. And he will actually put forth more effort to see you. He feels challenged and also he knows that you are not that easy. But if he can call you and before the phone rings a second time and your picking up out of breath saying, “YES!, Oh lord YES! Please come over….” he may think that your easy and not really a challenge to him.
And Im not saying be a tease either! This could possibly get you hurt depending on the brother you are dealing with. But come on sistas, speak out. Do you not know females who are like this and if you are one, we want to hear from you to.
Until next time..
Emagyne
Forgive those who have trespassed against us? Is this a virtue or a fault? And what does forgiveness actually do for us, our spirits?
Do you find it hard to forgive or does it just depend on what that person did to you?
Honestly, forgiveness is a strength. It takes a real strong person to truly forgive someone for what they did although they may not forget. It can take a long time, though. To me, it’s more of a process than an event like saying your sorry. You have to be stronger to forgive but it could be a weakness because people can take advantage of you. A lot of people can’t seem to find it in themselves to forgive someone who has wronged them. They might feel by forgiving the person he/she is getting away with whatever was done. Truth is, forgiveness is not for the other person but for yourself. When you hold on to a grudge or keep running an incident through your head over and over, you’re only harming yourself. To forgive takes great strength and it is empowering. It doesn’t make what the other person did right, but it certainly releases you from reliving the situation in your mind. Why give someone the energy in thinking about what he/she did when you should really move on. That is where I am with it right now. To much wasted energy in holding on to something someone is doing or has done when you can just go on with your life.
Forgiveness is a powerful force. It enables communication, heals wounds and resurrects relationships, among other things.
But it’s terribly misunderstood.
Some equate forgiveness with weakness. They think that not forgiving shows strength of character, pride, and conviction. Not only will they not forgive, but they will also constantly remind themselves never to let it happen again. The transgression against them becomes their guiding light. I have been here to. You cant change people. And this goes back to my post about when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! Once they show you, forgive them..forgive that and go on. We keep trying to change people or expect for them to change and be different, they don’t and then we have these issues of forgiving them. Walking around with all that bottled inside. And for what???
Some think that forgiveness is for holy people – or for those who have not been hurt too much. They think in terms of degrees. The less you hurt, the easier it is to forgive. The greater the pain, the longer you’re entitled to hold on to resentment. And I have really been down this road but sometimes, do you just get to the point where you just can’t forgive someone for things they have done. Where do you draw the line?
Some reject forgiveness altogether, because they think that forgiving means that you have to pretend that whatever happened never did. I have battled with this for over a year or two in my previous relationship. I constantly asked myself that by forgiving this person, Im basically pretending nothing ever happened.
Still others say that they forgive, and remind you of it every chance they get. Their kind of forgiveness has a price, which can never be fully paid. I have been on the other side of this in many ways.
Consider this:
By not forgiving, the negative emotions that you feel turn into poison in your body, and cause all kinds of ailments, even fatal ones. Remember that whatever you feel affects you, not somebody else.
However, by forgiving, you expel the poison from your system, like a good spring cleaning. Once the poison is gone, the healing can begin.
When you look at it this way, you see that by forgiving, you do yourself a favor. Forgiveness is necessary for your own good, because the same energy that you would otherwise use hurting yourself, can actually be used to heal yourself, and, if you wish, others as well.
Forgiveness is a metamorphosis from victim to healer.
The process is both emotional and logical. It’s not necessarily easy, but it is possible.
The first step is to face your pain, however hard that may be. Then, you look at the logical reasons why you have to let it go – in other words – forgive.
The logical reasons are easy to identify. As soon as you face your pain, you feel different things. Maybe your heart beats faster…or you have trouble breathing…or you shake. Do you know how damaging that is to your system?
Now, consider this: all these things will stop when you forgive.
The added bonus is that forgiveness not only cleanses you, it also makes space for wisdom.
Let me know what you think.
Until later….
Emagyne
Can people change? Is it really possible? This happens so much in relationships. You meet someone and you notice a lot of things that you don’t particularly care for in that person but somewhere deep in your mind you say, “Umhhh, I can probably change that”. Being a female, I will speak from the female perspective on this topic and from experience.
I have met and currently know females who have men in their life who disrespect them, lie, cheat, abuse them…these people will not change!
If your man will disrespect his mama, he WILL disrespect you. If he lies to you, he will do it again. If he cheats on you, he will most likely do it again. And especially these men who are married and you women are out here falling in love with them and making them the center of your universe. If he will do his wife like that, what makes you think you are so special or that your relationship with him will be any different. If he hits you, he has problems. Mostly because he is a punk and a coward and like to fight girls but HE WILL PROBABLY DO IT AGAIN.
And being a victim to some of this myself over the years, I have learned that people are who they are. And my biggest problem with that was that this person had me thinking a lot of times that it was me. I was bringing a lot of this on and I had to come to realize that it wasn’t. Some people just can’t admit that when it boils down to it, they aren’t sh!t.
Maya Angelou could have not said it better
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Pearls of wisdom my sisters. Read it and implement it into your life.
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