Is it just in our nature or we just dont trust them?

Ladies, do you find yourself going through your boyfriends phone when he is in the shower? Or if your at the gas station and he gets out of the car and you go through his dashboard and papers lying around in the car? Is it in our nature to be this way or do you think its some underlying trust issue that we may have with this negro that causes us to do that?

For me, its both. I do have reason to be suspicious and its in my nature I think. I mean what women doesn’t snoop in his things when he is out of the room? And trust me, they do it too!! And if you are one who doesn’t please respond and tell us why you don’t.

Knowing what “not” to do

Is this the key to success in our relationships?

I mean think about it. I will use my past relationship for example. Don’t argue with him, don’t go out with your friends..just me, don’t turn me down when I want to have sex, don’t question where I have been or where I am going, don’t b!tch at me when I am wrong….As long as you don’t do some things in a relationship, it seems to go fine.

On the flipside, women, we have our don’ts too. Don’t cheat on me, don’t look at other women, don’t ask me for sex every night, don’t act like you can’t keep the kids, don’t stay out late with your friends….see where Im going?

So is knowing what “not” to do the key to happiness in our relationships?

Holla back

Underpromise, overdeliver

Ladies, please dont create false expectations in the bedroom. How many of you have met a guy who just claimed he was going to blow your back out??? You were all excited doing crunches and push ups trying to get ready. He done told you that you were going to be screaming out your own name, sweating..pictures falling off the wall and sh!t???? And when the time comes, you can’t even feel it and its over in 2 minutes???

He overpromised and underdelivered. Sad but true. So ladies, we must not do this. I don’t care if you are the next Vanessa Del Rio, don’t create expectations that you cannot deliver. And its good to be confident ladies, but remember one thing…the less you promise, the less he will expect. And the more pleasant of a surprise for him when the lights do go out and he will be returning for an encore performance.

So remember, underpromise…overdeliver.

What you think?

Don’t be a tease…but don’t always be a sure thing either

Sistas, how many of you know that female who time a guy calls or comes over….the only thing that gets turned down is the lights??? We all do and its sad to say. Now if you are in a serious relationship with your man, do you sweetie. Whatever works but to you that just met this guy and known him all of but 24 hours…its not cute.

What I want to know is, is it really that hard to turn down a booty call every now and again. I was always taught that men like a challenge meaning that if he calls you and your busy or you have something to do and cant see him, this creates a challenge. And he will actually put forth more effort to see you. He feels challenged and also he knows that you are not that easy. But if he can call you and before the phone rings a second time and your picking up out of breath saying, “YES!, Oh lord YES! Please come over….” he may think that your easy and not really a challenge to him.

And Im not saying be a tease either! This could possibly get you hurt depending on the brother you are dealing with. But come on sistas, speak out. Do you not know females who are like this and if you are one, we want to hear from you to.

Until next time..

Emagyne

Forgiveness: Strength or Weakness

Forgive those who have trespassed against us? Is this a virtue or a fault? And what does forgiveness actually do for us, our spirits?
Do you find it hard to forgive or does it just depend on what that person did to you?

Honestly, forgiveness is a strength. It takes a real strong person to truly forgive someone for what they did although they may not forget. It can take a long time, though. To me, it’s more of a process than an event like saying your sorry. You have to be stronger to forgive but it could be a weakness because people can take advantage of you. A lot of people can’t seem to find it in themselves to forgive someone who has wronged them. They might feel by forgiving the person he/she is getting away with whatever was done. Truth is, forgiveness is not for the other person but for yourself. When you hold on to a grudge or keep running an incident through your head over and over, you’re only harming yourself. To forgive takes great strength and it is empowering. It doesn’t make what the other person did right, but it certainly releases you from reliving the situation in your mind. Why give someone the energy in thinking about what he/she did when you should really move on. That is where I am with it right now. To much wasted energy in holding on to something someone is doing or has done when you can just go on with your life.

Forgiveness is a powerful force. It enables communication, heals wounds and resurrects relationships, among other things.

But it’s terribly misunderstood.

Some equate forgiveness with weakness. They think that not forgiving shows strength of character, pride, and conviction. Not only will they not forgive, but they will also constantly remind themselves never to let it happen again. The transgression against them becomes their guiding light. I have been here to. You cant change people. And this goes back to my post about when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! Once they show you, forgive them..forgive that and go on. We keep trying to change people or expect for them to change and be different, they don’t and then we have these issues of forgiving them. Walking around with all that bottled inside. And for what???

Some think that forgiveness is for holy people – or for those who have not been hurt too much. They think in terms of degrees. The less you hurt, the easier it is to forgive. The greater the pain, the longer you’re entitled to hold on to resentment. And I have really been down this road but sometimes, do you just get to the point where you just can’t forgive someone for things they have done. Where do you draw the line?

Some reject forgiveness altogether, because they think that forgiving means that you have to pretend that whatever happened never did. I have battled with this for over a year or two in my previous relationship. I constantly asked myself that by forgiving this person, Im basically pretending nothing ever happened.

Still others say that they forgive, and remind you of it every chance they get. Their kind of forgiveness has a price, which can never be fully paid. I have been on the other side of this in many ways.

Consider this:

By not forgiving, the negative emotions that you feel turn into poison in your body, and cause all kinds of ailments, even fatal ones. Remember that whatever you feel affects you, not somebody else.

However, by forgiving, you expel the poison from your system, like a good spring cleaning. Once the poison is gone, the healing can begin.

When you look at it this way, you see that by forgiving, you do yourself a favor. Forgiveness is necessary for your own good, because the same energy that you would otherwise use hurting yourself, can actually be used to heal yourself, and, if you wish, others as well.

Forgiveness is a metamorphosis from victim to healer.

The process is both emotional and logical. It’s not necessarily easy, but it is possible.

The first step is to face your pain, however hard that may be. Then, you look at the logical reasons why you have to let it go – in other words – forgive.

The logical reasons are easy to identify. As soon as you face your pain, you feel different things. Maybe your heart beats faster…or you have trouble breathing…or you shake. Do you know how damaging that is to your system?

Now, consider this: all these things will stop when you forgive.

The added bonus is that forgiveness not only cleanses you, it also makes space for wisdom.

Let me know what you think.

Until later….

Emagyne

P Diddy is trying to bring back the S-Curl

Do you think that curls will come back in style?

She get it from her mama..and need it from her daddy.

Written by stilletosnsmiles on mochacity.com

I find it heartbreaking that women will do any and everything to change themselves for a relationship. They will settle for less and make light of it. I find this saddening. What bugs me even more is the fact that most of the little girls posing out here, trying to play like they are grown, learned everything they know about, dating love & relationships, from their Mamas.

Females/Woman need to understand that whatever you do in front, beside or around your children stays with them for life. If your young daughter sees you sleeping with her father, but the little girl knows her father goes home to his “real wife” after the fact. What are you really teaching your daughter? We as women need to pay closer attention to what we expose ourselves and our children too.

If you little girl sees various men coming in and out your house, she is going to grow up thinking thats ok and its not.

And when a little girls grows up with out her daddy in her life, she usually ends up trying to find that love and attention that she didn’t receive from him growing up in men. And this usually leads to abusive relationships etc. Men, its a shame. You should do better. Because one day you will want that time but it will be too late.

Because, what happens is that same little child grows up confused and bewildered about relationships and what role they are suppose to play in their life. These little girls grow up looking for love in all the wrong places. Feeling worthless and with no self esteem. Hiding behind the newest fashion and the latest Dick they conquered and sucked for the night.

The state of Woman on a whole is disgusting. But to see Black Women on this path of degradation and lose of self esteem is even more crippling. We need to educate OUR little girls from birth. Self Esteem needs to be taught at home as well as the classroom.

What if we had the v@gina?

This is a poem written by Superstar Jay on mochacity.com

Now that would be crazy wouldn’t it?

Could you imagine all the sh!t a man would try to put it in?

Cause masturbation to us, is as natural as breathing,

and you know some dude would be pokin’ himself, even while he’s bleeding.

Now I know that sounds nasty, and some people might disagree,

but a man’s gonna be a man and most are as nasty as can be.

Seriously, on the real most men can’t wash they n$ts right,

so could you even imagine what a mans vagina would smell like?

Then when it comes to sex, could a man really be that submissive?

And if we did have the vagina, would sex suddenly become permissive?

What’s my name n!gga? “..Tasha” …damn right, and who’s ya mommy?

Would the term “minute woman” to the new age of man, suddenly become funny?

And how in the world would the average man, work off his new daddy tummy?

Would n!gg~z look for the biggest d!cks or say “it’s the motion of the ocean?

And now that our ladies have the d!ck, would they finally get bigger promotions?

I couldn’t really see a dude being flipped and switched in a million ways,

and female pimps complaining that the game’s changed since the golden days.

Cause it’s hard enough for some cats to get laid, let alone getting paid for twat

and would women be trippin’ and hating themselves because of the size that they got?

Can a man really handle period cramps and bleeding for weeks at a time?

And with men being men in this day in time, do you think that rape would still be a crime?

They’d be pushing depo shots on the net like they do the enlargement pills now,

cause n!ggaz ain’t trying to deal with the stress of trying to father a child.

40 weeks of mood swings and downward spirals of self respect.

I could bet that the abortion clinic’s would get 3/4ths of n!gga’s paycheck.

Could a brotha really handle being left on his own, trying to raise his seed?

I’m sure some could, but does anyone feel the need?

Now I know it may feel weird to think in this point of view,

but would you do the things you do, if the vagina was a part of you?

They tell you not to judge til you’ve walked a mile in his shoes,

but why do we change the rules when it comes to the shoes of your boo.

So next time you’re with that special one and sex is a part of your plans,

make sure you treat your lady right, cause you know the vagina is in good hands.

Commandments by which you should loose that man and let him go!!

And ladies, this was posted by a guy on mochacity.com.

These are solely my opinions based off of life experiences so if you don’t agree then it’s all good, all I ask is that you pay attention to the signs of a dead beat nothing ass dude & if you should just so happen to find your self in the presence of this said nothing azz dude to RUN away as quickly as possible trust me you’ll thank your self for it down the line.lol Or if you decided to give this suspicious character a chance to prove him self worthy only to find out you should have ran when you had the chance here again is what you need to do!! CUT His Azz Loose! These are some commandments (just my opinion) I think would really help some women & some young women well along this crazy journey of life & relationships..

Thou Shall/Should Let His AZZ Go If…

1. If He Threatens To Hit You!

R; 98% of the time this is where the abuse starts, very seldom will a dude just all of a sudden one day out of the blue hit a woman, most of the time he starts off verbally to set the tone & to see how she’s going to act.. Once he sees she’s taking it lightly or is comfortable with his threats after a while he’ll take it a step further by walking up in her face or something similar to yet again see how she’ll respond.. After this warm up the next step most of the time is the ACTIONS!!

He’s said it so much that he knows she doesn’t believe him so it’s time for him to show & prove… & that he will do!! The threat or promise of violence is damn near always the antecedent to abuse!! It’s also whether he knows it or not breaking the woman down emotionally & psychologically so when the actions come she’ll feel as though it’s her fault & he didn’t mean it or she’ll feel like she made him do it so his actions are justified.. BULL SHYIT!! I know love as well as fear plays a huge part in this but ladies you have to break the cycle, abuse of women by some lame azz dude is all too common now a days & it needs to stop.. This is were it starts so this is were it should damn well END….

2. He Ever Decides To Take Action & Put His Hands On You Or Your Child/Children!!!

R; This one really should be self explanatory but for some strange reason it’s not.. There is NEVER a reason or excuse for a “male” to violently put his hands on a woman.. A woman should NEVER, EVER, EVER give a male a second chance after he has hit her because he will do it again!! Now don’t get me wrong a woman should never hit a man first either, because when that happens then it’s my opinion that the woman has put her self in a man’s shoes & is subject to what ever the male dishes out!

At that point its self defense, some men are strong enough to walk away but most are not!! They will hit a woman back with out thinking twice about it!! But other than that any punk a$$ male that would put his hands on a woman needs to be tied to a got damn tree and horse whipped that’s the bottom line if you ask me NO IF’S, ANDS, or BUTS about it…..

Then on the flip side I have heard of so many males abusing the child while the mother stands around and doesn’t do a phucking thing!! In that situation she is just as guilty as he is if you ask me! How in the hell can you say you love your child & allow his sperm donor to beat him like he’s a grown azz man on the streets!!?? Get your self & your child as far away from that phuck boy as humanly possible A.S.A.P!!! & NEVER look back!

3. He has more time 4 his “homies”& or “the block” than he has 4 U!

R; Because 9 & a half times out of ten this is a front to phuck around on you! Don’t be fooled by that “I’m a Thug I gotta kick it with my niggaz bull shyit!! For the most part that ‘s a stall tactic for you to give him the leeway to give the other chick or chicks their time, whether it’s just a puchk thang or it’s something a little more time consuming like another relationship it’s happening or it’s going to happen , please believe it!!

In order to cheat on your mate you need lots of spare time right so if he’s always out with his “boys” then that’s his alibi.. (That’s If u choose to believe it) The bottom line here regardless to whether he is cheating or not is Your “HAPPINESS”! Don’t settle for chicken shyit when you deserve chicken!! If you feel you deserve better don’t ask for it DEMAND it, & if/when he doesn’t step up to the plate you have to be willing, able & ready to let his azz have those streets or dudes that he loves & desires so much.. Because you deserve better….Right???

4. IF HE CHEATS ON YOU!

R; If your man has balls enough to cheat on you once & you allow him remain or come back into your life he is going to do it again & again & again until he is satiated & for most males/men that’s NEVER!! That “I’m sorry baby I love you it was a mistake I’ll never do it again” shyit is/should be for the birds!! You don’t accidentally sex or go out with another woman those are premeditated actions!! He plotted, lied and schemed to get that piece of azz (or the opportunity to get it) and all the other women he has had and the others he has yet to conquer!! Plus from this point on every time he tells you he’s going some where in the back of your mind you are wondering if he’s telling you the truth this time, then if a fishy situation arises and you ask him about he’s going to call you insecure (if U have no definite proof) make you feel bad which intern makes you lower you defenses again for him to do it again..

Why be with some one you can’t trust?? In the end it’s never worth the pain & heart ache it’s going to cause so do your self a favor and let his cheating azz go!

5. He Currently Has Children By Other Women That He’s NOT Taking Care Of!!… FYI “JUST” Paying Child Support Is NOT Taking Care Of Your Responsibility As A Father…!!!!

This is one I have wondered about for years! How/Why could/would a woman get involved with a man that has 3 or more kids by several different women & out of that three he’s only taking care of 1 or 2.. The excuse always seems to be his baby mothers are all crazy & did him bad, he’s never the cause of any of his relationships that didn’t work & all of them are keeping his children from him because they want him back???

Yea what the phuck ever!! Leave that cat be because once he leaves you he’s going to treat you & your child like he’s treating all the others.. Don’t think for one second he’s going to wake up & be the man he’s suppose to be for you & your child.. That’s a terrible illusion so don’t be fooled!

Ladies this may or may not come as a surprise to some of you but Negros are getting women pregnant on purpose with plans to leave her high and dry afterwards! Or in other wards lock her down so the next man will think twice about being with her for more than anything but sex., he has now given you a legitimate reason to keep his punk a$$ in the mist of your life for the rest of it.. He can cause as much hell as he pleases via his child.

He’s going to make the next man miserable so he can get tired of dealing with it & move on because your still going through bull shyit with your baby daddy.. I know many of you have heard of, been through, or is currently going through this type of situation, but in trying to do the right think so your child can have his or her “biological” father you only end up hurting the child as well as your self.

A happy functional single parent that’s able to give a child all the love & support that’s needed is always better than an un-happy dysfunctional couple.. That’s a fact do the research and find out for your self if you don’t believe me. Telling his child he’s going to do something but never or seldom fulfills his promises, ladies you already know the drill now all you need to do is CUT HIS A$$ Loose!! You & your child’s happiness is just around the corner.. Now go & get it!

Inclosing ladies in order for things to change you all are going to have to step up & make these negros do better by you before during & after you give them what they desire.. It’s apparent that they don’t give a damn about you or their children, they are out to get the coochie by any means necessary, even if it means going to hell after wards they don’t give a damn as long as they can get a woman’s prized possession before hand. The fate of our society is seemingly in the hands of the woman, because the REAL MEN/FATHERS are vastly becoming extinct….. Until next time around Much Love from your boy.. ONE

Work it “Girl” Part II