Forgiveness: Strength or Weakness

Forgive those who have trespassed against us? Is this a virtue or a fault? And what does forgiveness actually do for us, our spirits?
Do you find it hard to forgive or does it just depend on what that person did to you?

Honestly, forgiveness is a strength. It takes a real strong person to truly forgive someone for what they did although they may not forget. It can take a long time, though. To me, it’s more of a process than an event like saying your sorry. You have to be stronger to forgive but it could be a weakness because people can take advantage of you. A lot of people can’t seem to find it in themselves to forgive someone who has wronged them. They might feel by forgiving the person he/she is getting away with whatever was done. Truth is, forgiveness is not for the other person but for yourself. When you hold on to a grudge or keep running an incident through your head over and over, you’re only harming yourself. To forgive takes great strength and it is empowering. It doesn’t make what the other person did right, but it certainly releases you from reliving the situation in your mind. Why give someone the energy in thinking about what he/she did when you should really move on. That is where I am with it right now. To much wasted energy in holding on to something someone is doing or has done when you can just go on with your life.

Forgiveness is a powerful force. It enables communication, heals wounds and resurrects relationships, among other things.

But it’s terribly misunderstood.

Some equate forgiveness with weakness. They think that not forgiving shows strength of character, pride, and conviction. Not only will they not forgive, but they will also constantly remind themselves never to let it happen again. The transgression against them becomes their guiding light. I have been here to. You cant change people. And this goes back to my post about when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! Once they show you, forgive them..forgive that and go on. We keep trying to change people or expect for them to change and be different, they don’t and then we have these issues of forgiving them. Walking around with all that bottled inside. And for what???

Some think that forgiveness is for holy people – or for those who have not been hurt too much. They think in terms of degrees. The less you hurt, the easier it is to forgive. The greater the pain, the longer you’re entitled to hold on to resentment. And I have really been down this road but sometimes, do you just get to the point where you just can’t forgive someone for things they have done. Where do you draw the line?

Some reject forgiveness altogether, because they think that forgiving means that you have to pretend that whatever happened never did. I have battled with this for over a year or two in my previous relationship. I constantly asked myself that by forgiving this person, Im basically pretending nothing ever happened.

Still others say that they forgive, and remind you of it every chance they get. Their kind of forgiveness has a price, which can never be fully paid. I have been on the other side of this in many ways.

Consider this:

By not forgiving, the negative emotions that you feel turn into poison in your body, and cause all kinds of ailments, even fatal ones. Remember that whatever you feel affects you, not somebody else.

However, by forgiving, you expel the poison from your system, like a good spring cleaning. Once the poison is gone, the healing can begin.

When you look at it this way, you see that by forgiving, you do yourself a favor. Forgiveness is necessary for your own good, because the same energy that you would otherwise use hurting yourself, can actually be used to heal yourself, and, if you wish, others as well.

Forgiveness is a metamorphosis from victim to healer.

The process is both emotional and logical. It’s not necessarily easy, but it is possible.

The first step is to face your pain, however hard that may be. Then, you look at the logical reasons why you have to let it go – in other words – forgive.

The logical reasons are easy to identify. As soon as you face your pain, you feel different things. Maybe your heart beats faster…or you have trouble breathing…or you shake. Do you know how damaging that is to your system?

Now, consider this: all these things will stop when you forgive.

The added bonus is that forgiveness not only cleanses you, it also makes space for wisdom.

Let me know what you think.

Until later….


Published in: on January 2, 2008 at 12:40 pm  Comments (7)  

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. you say all this about forgiveness….but is it really possible to truly forgive some one ???….

    Is forgiveness not just another way of pretending that nothing ever happened???

    Where do you draw the line and how do you differ b/w forgiveness and weakness

    Can someone truly be forgiven??…to forgive is to forget and to move on right???….but how is that possible…wont you always remember what happened in the back of your head even if pretend everything is jolly and happy….

    • I think it takes a strong willed person to forgive someone who has wronged you and there is alot to factor into that. People make mistakes but it depends on what that mistake is and how many times they have made it. And forgiving someone, let’s say in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you have to stay with them. You can forgive them for their wrong doings and still go on with your life. It takes too much out of you to hold grudges and hold on to the past, trust me I know. Sometimes you just have to accept things for what they are and keep it pushing but you dont have to keep this person around in your life. You can forgive them and either let it go or be friends. If they cant get with that then you can walk away knowing that you tried to do the right thing and maybe they need to check themselves. And if you keep it lingering in the back of your mind to the point that it is really bothering you, then you have not truly forgiven. Depending on the situation, you may never forget. I have some of those but I have accepted it for what it is and moved on. And sometimes thats the best and the only thing that you can do. I have learned in life that you can only expect someone to be exactly who they are and that’s it. You cant change anyone and if they want to change, it will have to come from them. But I do think you can truly forgive people. I truly forgave my father for things he didnt do when i was a child. I grew up and people do make mistakes. No, it wasnt fair how my mom had to handle it all by herself but he is trying to make up for it now. Better late than never. I still have things in the back of my mind about that but that was “yester-year”, sometimes you just have to accept, let go and let god and move on. And when I did that, things turned around and we have a better relationship now. So yes, you can truly forgive someone.

    • Its not about pretending, and its not about forgetting it ever happend, its about seriously remembering and accepting it and then just letting it go and forgiving the person for their transgression against you, truly forgiving them in your soul and letting it go not just saying you are.

      Then if and when you ever do look back at it in your mind the painful emotions that were attached to it wont be there anymore.

  2. I may forgive small issues. I will never forgive horrible people. I hope they burn in hell. Fuck them.

  3. I’m sorry, I disagree with this. I think some people may need to be forgiven, yes. But you don’t have to let them KNOW you’ve forgiven them:)) just simply disappear.

  4. Very nicely written. Thank you!

    Yes forgiveness is an attribute of strong persons, not weak. As Mahatma Gandhi said:

    The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.– Mahatma Gandhi


  5. Forgiveness is all fine and good, but i have been through more dark agony than you the poster could ever even imagine and I have forgave almost all of it, and let me warn you something even ghandi didn’t know that is if you forgive too much you let all of your fire out there must be balance in all things.

    Hatred and Revenge can be and IS a good thing it gives you fire and will to pursue your drives in life and can make your will unbreakable if you have enough pride and thirst for revenge.

    Forgiveness is needed in a serious mass from time to time but it can drain all your emotions, fire of life and will.

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